Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of smoking skunk in the halls of Parliament has been perpetrated by hooligans.

The Mail can reveal that hooligans are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

Bernard Jenkin said of the hooligans, "society needs to condemn a little more and understand a little less.".